The holidays are indeed a stressful time for most folks, but when you are a new parent it can be especially trying. Having a new baby in the home while attempting to juggle holiday tasks and arrange or attend holiday gatherings takes nothing less than supernatural strength. The urge to make the holidays picture-perfect can be quite strong and many new parents find themselves feeling drained of energy and emotion before the season if half-way over. Here's a few strategies for new parents to survive the holidays:
Let go of the picture on the front of the Christmas card. We've all received them in the mail: the Christmas card depicting Mom, Dad, kids, and dog all snuggled in front of the fireplace while a plate of fresh cookies cools on the table. Whether you were brought up in a family of no-holds-barred Christmas celebrators or just want to be the family that has the perfect holiday, you might need to let go of the illusion of everything going perfectly - you'll just set yourself up for failure. Where will you find time to bake those cookies and hang those lights? Certainly not in between diapering and feeding your new precious bundle while attempting to score a few moments of sleep if Dad handles diaper duty. You'll no doubt have many Christmases in the future - don't overdo yourself during the holiday and miss out on all the fun of being a new Mom or Dad.
Add a very small new word to your vocabulary - "no". It is one of the hardest words in the English language for some new parents to use, but it should become your new catchphrase. Don't feel guilty that you cannot go out with family and friends for your usual holiday parties and celebrations if you simply don't feel like going this time. New parents need time to adjust to their new family unit - especially if you are going from "you and I" to "we" as is the case with all first-time parents. Even those parents who already have children will find themselves stressed as they learn how this new little arrival can turn the entire household into an uproar! Take the time you need to make the adjustments to your new family circle - even if you have to strain out a few "no's" here and there.
Baby knows best. Every baby has his or her own temperament. Is yours giving you the signal that it's time to go home to a quieter place, or that he or she wishes that you'd kick all of these loud eggnog slurping people to the curb? If so, follow your baby's lead by turning in early, leaving an event early, or by simply not going to the event.
Open the lines of communication with your partner. It's so important that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to your holiday celebrations (or lack of) during this special time when your family is getting adjusted to a new baby. Let your partner know how you feel, and take your partner's feelings into consideration. Try to incorporate a bit of what each of you want for this holiday so that each feels satisfied.
Take a hint from Santa and make your list. Make a list of everything that you feel needs doing, and then separate into three categories - Musts, Shoulds, and Wants. The Musts category lists things that are inescapable and must be done because there is no way around them. The Shoulds lists things that others want you to do and you feel pressured to do, but don't necessarily feel that they are Musts and you might consider not doing them. The Wants category is where you list the things you really want to do. Try to do mainly the Musts and Wants, and factor in the Shoulds if you find time.
Take a decorating cue from the Mommy Muse. One year, I ended up putting the tree inside my baby's playpen, instead of her. I put all of the gifts inside there, which looked so silly, but it was a workable solution. I wasn't willing to go without my beloved tree. I needed to keep her safe. This was a way to do it and I was really glad. We only needed to do that for one year. Sure, all those fancy decorations are great for at least appearing to be in the holiday spirit, but don't worry if you can't go all out this year. If your baby is in the exploratory stages of crawling, it may be wise to follow do a bit of non-traditional decorating to keep baby (and your heirloom Christmas ornaments) safe.
Let your Christmas mouse do your shopping. With just the click of a mouse, you can have all of the gifts that you want to buy this year delivered to your home (either wrapped or unwrapped) without ever leaving the comfort of your robe and slippers. Not dragging your newborn out into the germ-infested malls in the freezing cold to dodge shopping carts and the lady that sprays you with perfume each time you pass the cosmetics counter is priceless.
Scale down your hosting duties. If you absolutely have to play host for a family gathering, ask each family member to bring a dish, and then simply buy a honey-baked ham or turkey from the deli to complement those dishes. Some new parents even choose to host just a desert bash instead of a full meal to keep some of the tradition of the family gathering without all of the work. Choose whatever works best for you and don't forget to ask for help with cleaning up.
Give yourself some "me-time". It's important for new parents to schedule a few minutes each day for themselves, whether it's catching up on your favorite novel or luxuriating in a tub full of bubbles. You can take care of baby's needs more efficiently if you take time to let yourself feel like a human again (even if just for a precious half hour).
About the Author:
Overwhelmed new parent? Christy Cuellar-Wentz, M.A. can help. As an internet talk radio host and mental health professional, she specializes in providing the support you need for your journey into parenthood. Sign up for free resources for new parents
and explore a wealth of empowering information on postpartum survival strategies
at the Mommy-Muse website and blog.
